It’s Sunday afternoon and I have had a weekend off. Possibly one of my last for a long while. The lunch truck ends this week and I reluctantly return to the stoves as an employee at a successful local kitchen.
For 2 days off, I’ve achieved so little. I picked up the laptop so many times to write this blog, only to have other pressing housekeeping duties gobble up my time. The saddest part of it all, was it was mostly computer related. I spent 2 hours, cleaning up my Instagram account. I, frustrated by the fact I was no longer looking at photos that provoked thought or imagination to my brain… rather terrible photos of other people’s dinner. I decided it was time to clear my mind.
House keeping your mind can be a tricky thing when you are a chef. I’m sure it can be tricky for anyone that gets stuck into a project. Case in point; the truck! I completely underestimated the blanket control it would take on my life. From the food I cooked, to the food I ate, to the food I researched. I completely switched off all the food that had previously interested me and became fixated on what would be on the menu on the van.
During it’s infancy, I woke up at 3am to begin the day, returning home at close to 9pm of a night. I really wanted to succeed. It was that fight or flight behaviour that was keeping me going. Small highs, but massive lows. The stress on the mind, the body.. it’s not something that can be sustained for lengthy periods. With no control in my work, less control in life; it meant I had no time for friendships, relationship held on by a thread, house deteriorating, washing pile builds, home fridge a baron waste land, diet and exercise non existent.
I wanted to start the business as much as I didn’t. I knew I wouldn’t find the work satisfying, but romanced the thought of growing a business and in reality, needed to be my own boss for a little while as therapy. I had grown tired of being told what to do or limited by bosses boundaries… I was finally free, but totally imprisoned at the same time.
The cluttering began with Instagram – once upon a time, my account was filled with photos from only the chefs I truly respected, a few celebs and a couple of friends – suddenly it was rammed with food trucks, sandwiches and anything that could give me inspiration for feeding the broadest spectrum of people in one menu. Results – clutter!
Clutter in my home – I moved in with my partner. His home has been lived in by his family for five generations. Five generations of other people’s stuff. Enter my stuff – realisation there is no built ins, every cupboard and room is jam packed with history, old clothes, pots, pans – STUFF! Instantly this part of my life is put in the too hard basket – but playing on my mind day and night.
Back to work, the customer base fills – I have places to go and people to see. Forklift drivers, winemakers, factory workers, marketing executives, miners, accountants, road workers, computer engineers. No two pallets the same, wallets sizes – varied.
Catering for such was by no means easy. While some of my original ideas were popular – to my surprise and disappointment, many were not. Suddenly I’m putting food on the van that was so far removed from my original ideas and worse spending time on researching and making these items. The menu expanded and so did my hours. My job satisfaction went to new lows.
The worst thing was, for all the wonderful customers I met along the way, I would always get mentally “bogged down” by the few miserable ones. Those that complained about price and variety… and I mean verbal abusive soul destroying complaining. Exactly what you want to hear when you are working 7 days a week, 14+ hours a day.
As a chef, complaints are usually dished out to you by a waiter. Depending on how well you get along with this waiter is also dependent on how well the delivery the complaint is received. Either way, it will never prepare you for having a customer look at you in the eye and say “how can you sleep at night charging prices like this?”
Example of my price extortion: Chicken and vegetable pie $7.50. Roasted chicken bones (in gas oven) then slow cooked into a simple stock, then used to make a veloute. Add diced fresh (not frozen) vegetables, diced chicken thigh meat ($9.50kg), pan fried with fennel seeds and fresh parsley ($2.49 a bunch), then placed under a puff pastry top and baked in a foil dish (18c each) with foil insulated bag (10c each). This pie is then placed in a heated cupboard in a van and driven to said person’s place of work (petrol $1.32 per litre). Long story short, I take time and pride in what I cook. I’m not cutting corners or using substandard products. My time should also be valued, and the convenience of the service I offered to boot.
The guy thinks I’m a thief!
I’ve cooked for Prince Charles, Prime minister David Cameron, Kevin Rudd, food critics, celebrity chefs, rock stars (you get the point) and suddenly I’m getting told the value of my craft is worth less than $7.50, without him even tasting it!
Seriously, WTF am I doing?
When I finally decide I’ve had enough, these same people say, “why are you going out of business?” Did it send you broke?” The audacity! The cheek! The insensitivity of their behaviour and words!
So did it send me broke? Well, kind of yeah. Not financially, but mentally, emotionally and more importantly time poverty!
I clogged up my brain with recipes of food I didn’t really want to cook for people that often didn’t appreciate it anyway. I’m not saying everyone was like this. I had some really grateful customers that absolutely made my day, but I also had some real jerks in the mix too. The worst part is that everyone thinks I’ve stopped because I failed. Maybe I did, but the reality is, I failed to do something that made me happy – make food that made me happy.
This is the tricky part of being a chef. All too often, its compromise. It’s long hours to get the menu right, if it is what you really want to cook – flip-side no home life. It’s cooking food that might not be practical to eat on a daily basis – flip-side, your own diet compromised, ultimately health and well being compromised. It’s the additional research to find the new trends to please your clientèle – flip-side, you aren’t researching anything else. Before you know it, you’ve been afflicted by chef “burn out phenomenon” and all those hopes and dreams of doing something special are exhausted.
So back to my Sunday afternoon… It’s taken me all weekend to get to this point. Firstly, no idea what to write, secondly, I went in search of some food identity to find some personal inspiration, and third, my house needed attention.
Last week I wrote about my lack of belief in food newness. So, I hopped on board the internet surfboard and off I went – straight to Bonappetit.com. Inspiring stories, inspiring food trends, inspiring people. A breath; a whiff of life back into me! Next stop Instagram, de-clutter. Suddenly I knew I no longer wanted to research street food, rather real food. Smoke concepts, new food philosophies, money no option food. I felt happy again.
I then cooked dinner –
Porterhouse steaks roasted over hot coals and red gum wood chip.
charred fig/fennel bread salad with apples, fresh mint (from my garden), ham hock and apple mint jelly,
fried pickles and beer battered onion rings
brown butter roasted sweet corn and blue cheese crush
It was food I like to eat and cook. It bought a smile to my partner and friend that joined us. It made me think, that I might still have a shred of imagination in this drained brain of mine.
While my Instagram page is de cluttered and my brain is a little clearer, there is still such a long way to go
For now, I’ll leave you with a not so time friendly recipe… the Chicken pie. Not the peak of my culinary journey, but a good honest Sunday night dinner.
Until next time…
Chicken Pie
1 Whole free range chicken (1.6kg or bigger) – raw
2 litres water
2 brown onions, finely chopped
2 carrots, finely diced
4 celery sticks, finely diced
2 cobs of sweetcorn, kernals only
2 cloves of garlic, minced
1/2 tbs fennel seeds
1 bunch parsley, reserve stalks, rougly chop leaves
130g butter
100g plain flour
150ml cream (optional)
salt and black pepper to taste
zest of one lemon
Puff pastry (Careme is preferred but Pampas will do to)
egg for brushing
Serves 4
1. Preheat oven 200’C. Debone the chook. Place bones on a roasting tray and cook until golden brown – around 40 minutes. Place the bones and parsley stalks in a pot, cover with cold water, then put on the stove and bring to a simmer. Gently cook this for around 3 hours. Strain and discard bones. Ensure you have 1 litre of stock – if more reduce.
2. Meanwhile, dice chicken, skin and all, (the skin adds plenty of flavour and some natural fat). Heat a non stick pan, season chicken, add 30g butter to pan, then add chicken to pan in small amounts, cook to achieve colour but not cook all the way through. Put to the side and continue cooking the remaining chicken until all cooked.
3. Same pan and hopefully with some chicken fat residue in there now, add onions, carrots and celery. Cook on a gentle heat, and cook until soften and tender. Add the fennel and garlic. Cook until that raw garlic smell dissipates. Turn off heat. Leave in pan. Any pan juices should lift after a little while.
4. For the veloute, if the chicken stock is cold, bring back to a simmer. In a separate pot, over gentle heat, melt remaining butter then add flour. Stir with a wooden spoon to make a paste. Slowly add ladels of hot stock. Stir into paste to make a smooth paste. Do not add more stock until consistency is smooth. Repeat adding stock until all stock is added. Continue cooking until the liquid is thick and when you taste it – it doesn’t have a ‘floury’ mouth feel. Taste and season accordingly.
5. Add cream and lemon zest, followed by chicken, cooked vegetables and chopped parsley. Place either into 4 individual oven safe dishes or one large oven safe dish.
6. Once cooled cover top with puff pastry, brush top with beaten egg, then bake at 200’C until puff pastry is a rich golden colour (20 minutes for an individual pie). For a larger pie, you make find you will need to turn down the heat after 20 minutes to 180’C to gently finish cooking the filling.
Tastes great on its own or with mash potato.
longwaytotheshop 